I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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