I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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