Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
