it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
