Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
