i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
