I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so that wasnt chicken after all
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
even my farts smell like vagina
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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