after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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