When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
