why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
