you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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