what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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