Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
