dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
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too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
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So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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