I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
worst night to have a conscience
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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