Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
