Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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