I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
