I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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