they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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