Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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