i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Threesome in a minivan. New low
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
