the condom got lost in my hair
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
