you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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