Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
