this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
