Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
third nipple confirmed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
