my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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