my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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