3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
