I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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