you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize