sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
