I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
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i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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