My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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