Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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