wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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