Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
