two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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