You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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