He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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