made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
