hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
