I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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