I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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