When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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