We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
