Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
