I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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