I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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