3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
ttyl tear gas
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
