Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize