watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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