I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
