when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You smell like stripper and shame
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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