Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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